5 Signs He's Not Going to Marry You
10 Signs He's Not Ready for Marriage
I have a few buddies—married men, now—who used to drink and sleep around like you wouldn't believe. In college, their dorm rooms smelled like gym shorts and beer cans. If I'd given it any thought at all (which, I admit, I didn't), I would have sworn they'd never get married, or at the very least, that they'd be the last of our group to pop the question.
But over the last few years, I've seen these knuckleheads change from keg-stand champions to husbands and—gulp—even fathers, because at some point, something changed in them. And that's a common story with guys: We never seem ready to settle down until, well, we are.
Knowing these guys through their philandering years and into matrimonial bliss has helped me recognize some of the ways guys change when they start to think long-term about relationships. So if you're wondering whether a guy sees himself as serially single or ready to lock it down, here are a few of the telltale signs he's not ready for the ring:
His reluctance to marry might not be about you at all. If he can't decide on, say, what career path he wants to follow or where he wants to live, he probably doesn't know himself well enough to settle down yet.
In 10 years he wants to be a CEO with a huge yacht and a leash-trained lion named Simba. Great. As he's musing out loud about these plans, does he speculate on how you'll fit in? If he's talking about moving to São Paulo, does he ask if you like warm weather? Because these things matter. Even if he's just joking around, it's a bad sign if he constantly talks about his future self as a lone wolf—unless, of course, you're the lion on the leash, which would make for some very strange role playing.
Relationships require maintenance, and hey, fights happen. But when you get into a spat, does he launch right into a blowout fight or calmly try to explain why something bothers him? Does he talk to you when he's upset or totally shut down emotionally? If he loses his cool during small disagreements, it's not a good sign for any of the larger conflicts that may come down the line.
If it's just minor eye-rolling during the cheesiest and most cliché-riddled scenes (he stopped the wedding at the altar?! He raced through airport securityjust to kiss her?!), then don't read too far into it. But if he's grunting, growling, and whimpering like he's in pain for the entire duration ofTitanic, he's sending a message. You're just not his Rose.
If he doesn't want to attend your parents' anniversary party with you, then he probably isn't thinking of them as his future in-laws.
Accepting you means accepting the people who you surround yourself with. If he can't bring himself to do that—or at least make an effort—then he's not ready for a serious commitment.
Invariably, somebody will make an awkward joke about you being husband and wife, or they'll ask flat-out when you're going to get hitched. It's one thing if he deflects with something harmless ("She'd never be able to put up with my crap"), but it's another if he takes a firm stance ("No way—we're a million years from even thinking about it."). Similarly, if he jokes about breaking up or about the hot other women he wishes he could sleep with—despite the fact that it makes you uncomfortable–then he's not marriage material.
He doesn't like that you wear so much pink? Or that you take days off work to hang out with friends? Or that you'll spend on a blowout? (I'll be honest: I'm not even totally sure what a blowout is). If he's constantly voicing disapproval over the small things, then he's not ready to take on the big things. You can do better.
Video: He's Not Ready For Marriage But I Am
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