How do we actually choose our partner?
And if you find some criteria, some secret codes, then this game of love will immediately have clearer strategic chances of winning. We will list only a few of them and speculate on what features our generation is always having.
Appearance is not important?
Let's not be cunning and start with one of the key criteria, which seems to have gained even more weight in the era of social networks and self-craze. Appearance is a business card, a visual impression number one, which we catch at first glance. The costume, hairstyle, figure, posture - all this and much more that you could see in the first few seconds instantly constitutes a stereotypical image of a person. For example, in front of you is a man with excess weight, in a funny baseball cap and with braces (and in Tinder he wrote that he works in a serious large corporation), and you immediately imagine a lazy fool from Hollywood comedies with a ridiculous sense of humor and (naturally!) not developing a personal life.Have you guessed it? But after all, appearance is deceiving in the opposite situation: you have a charming stylish handsome man, and you already draw in your mind how he leads a healthy lifestyle, enjoys fashionable cinema and conquers with his erudition. You yourself put on him a mask of a superhero, and then refuse to believe that something went wrong. You expect a certain behavior from him and do not get it. The same trick works in choosing an idol: we do not just sympathize with the actress or model, but in our mind we complete her image, endow her with qualities and characteristics we like, and then ... for example, we are surprised to shock when we find out in the news that she suddenly turned out to be a drug addict or just a stagnant hamster.
The girl chooses her partner for the prototype of her father, and the man is looking for a wife that looks like her mother — you have already heard this version of the romantic strategy since high school. It would be untrue to say that today scientists were able to refute it once and for all, because even the important fact that father and mother are our first and very close examples of people of the opposite sex, from whom we "read" how a man or woman behaves, how he communicates with us, how he expresses empathy and affection.It is worth adding that there are scientists who, instead of the word “parents,” use the word “relatives” in this context and declare that grandparents also affect our selectivity, as well as all relatives with whom we closely communicated during the childhood period (and not It is possible that our nannies and first teachers). It turns out that we are here unconsciously looking for someone since childhood - the one who influenced us and shaped our opinion not just about a man and a woman, but about a person in general.
It is said that people who live happily together happily, become similar to each other and you will surely find such examples among your acquaintances. And it's not just about the same favorite TV shows, but also on the external similarity - some even start to seem like brothers and sisters. Scientists also gave an explanation to this phenomenon: we are looking for a person who is similar to us in order to preserve our genes and not allow them to "disappear" in the process of evolution. And Freud once saw absolute narcissism in such tactics — to reflect on another person, to find a copy of himself and to concentrate on her.
In the era of social networks, this strategy claims to be relevant not only at the expense of the external aspect.We are looking for a person with taste, standard of living, preferences synonymous with ours. We seriously believe that a person from another niche, another class, another society simply does not understand us and this will give rise to immediate conflicts. In support of this theory, an experiment is said, during which when choosing the most beautiful partner from the proposed list, respondents preferred, unknowingly, their own photo taken from a photo of a person of the opposite sex. And when has our society been so focused on self-love, if not now? Yes, nobody canceled chemical processes, but it is difficult to analyze them in each individual case, but it is easy to understand the cult of appearance, the influence of our family and the narcissist worship of our own copy. Only that's what factor is more influential - this is a personal story. Try to analyze your former partners and calculate your own subconscious (or quite conscious) scheme.
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