Pros and cons of sex on a first date: disassemble with a sexologist

Many women wonder how long you need to communicate with a man before allowing intimacy in a relationship. Our expert Elena Shamova will help answer this question.

"I want, I can not"

“First of all, it would be good for the ladies themselves to decide what they expect from a date,” recommends the psychologist and sexologist Elena Shamova. - If this is an affair, then why not? In order to have a relationship with a man for more than one night, there should be about 4-5 dates between the first date and the first sex. During this time, a man's perception of a woman is formed, thoughts of her, fantasies appear, her image is fixed in consciousness. That is, a man understands how much he needs you and is important. Of course, in life there are exceptions. In my practice, there was a case when young people, seeing each other, simply lost their footing from surging feelings and passion. Sex at the first meeting was stormy and spontaneous, and now they live together happily.

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"He will leave me, if you do not agree"

- This is the most common feminine fear, as common as the fear that on the first date the girl will necessarily be dragged into bed. Because of this, by the way, many problems arise at the beginning of a relationship. At first, the woman strains and worries about “what to do if the partner offers sex”, and then with the same force worries why he did not offer this sex to her. And speculations and suspicions on the topic of appearance, personal attractiveness, etc. begin. For me, the big question is whether a second meeting will take place and whether a long relationship will be established if sex does happen in the first hours of the meeting. A man is a conqueror, but there is nothing to conquer.

“He will leave me if I agree”

- Such thoughts are inspired by social norms, according to which decent girls on the first date about sex cannot be thought of, otherwise they will think badly of them and will not be taken as wives. Girls, you can be thrown and if you do not agree, it all depends on the intentions of your companion. If his only goal for tonight is sex with you (or not with you, if you refuse), and nothing else, then the relationship is unlikely to develop.

“Loneliness is boredom”

- Very often, a woman who has been alone for a long time is ready to enter into a hasty relationship, even without knowing a man well. She sees in the partner the hero of her novel - the future husband, protector, and not what it really is. The girl was fixated on one thought: one should marry children. And if she has a red button burning on her forehead, she begins to settle for anything (even against her wishes), mistakenly believing that after sex the partner will not leave her. It is these gullible ladies who most often become victims of assorted ladies. The scheme is simple: he gave her what she wanted to hear, and she gave him what he asked. And, oddly enough, this scheme works, so we have so many abandoned women, who believe that all men are goats.

Loneliness always has a cause. But it is easier to blame someone, rather than taking responsibility for yourself. If a woman is lonely for a long time, then something happens inside her. Perhaps someone has excessive requirements for partners. A girl sometimes doesn’t represent anything, but expects a beautiful life from a man. And what will she give to this prince in return, what will surprise him? The balance of "take - give" in a relationship has not been canceled.It is important to analyze: what are your mistakes? But certainly not in the fact that you agreed to have sex on the first date.

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"I will show him the sky in diamonds"

- A woman believes that by showing the man all her sexual talent, she will thereby tie him to her. Do not tie! From my experience: men who have had very good sex on the first date, admit that their fuse was enough for the second date. In fantasy, a man can undress a woman and on the first date, this is normal. But in reality there should be a hunt. And in the process of hunting, a wise woman is interested in a man, gaining his thoughts and attention.

Now there are a lot of male sexogolics collecting victories over women. So, the most common fantasy of our women regarding such guys - they say, this bun from grandmother left, grandfather left, and I stop - is far from the truth of life. Will not stop! How many times have the girls heard the words “Only you can make me happy!”. So what? Takes his own and disappears. You can not tie sex. If a man needs to have fun, he will find with whom to get it: with you or not with you.Well, in the end, why do you need a male who sees in you only a sexual object?

“We must keep the brand: the forbidden fruit is sweeter. Let him suffer! ”

- It looks like bargaining by a woman, they say, I would not mind, but ... Generally, if you have a relationship with a man that suits you, then why include torment in them? In addition, your forbidden fruit (if it only needs to) it can receive in another place, where this fruit will not be so inaccessible. I think that for one date a man certainly will not have time to suffer, and if we talk about further relations, then everything depends on how the woman perceives them. If he and she are lovers of struggle and intrigue, then this tactic will work until one of the partners gets tired of suffering. It is not excluded that such a behavior will cause a man to have a feeling of frivolity of his chosen one, a desire to play cat and mouse with him and pull out more money.

"A rough age, no romanticism"

- Many girls dream of a bouquet and candy period in relationships. And he - that's bad luck - hands on the first date dissolves. By the way, this is a question of personal boundaries.If a woman is self-sufficient and knows his worth, the man feels it. Of course, in any case, he will check the limit of what is permitted: why not embrace a beautiful young lady?

Self-sufficient woman freely, without constraint and squeezing, says “no”, because she is not afraid to lose a man. Some can directly say: do you want, now run away or continue to get to know each other? The law of psychology: if I feel fine in my loneliness, it is interesting for me to live, to communicate with my friends, to travel, this is the very loneliness that normal men who are interested not only in sex will try to break. If a young lady suffers from loneliness and is afraid to be left alone again, not the most interesting options will come to her shore.

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