Something new! Psychologists advise parents to swear at children
When the author of the article, psychologist Alessia Santoro, was growing up, she was a witness to several loud quarrels of her - very stubborn - parents. These clashes were always only verbal, anger expressed in throwing objects on the table or slamming the doors with a bang, but they still scared her. This kind of scandals lead many experts to argue that parents can not quarrel in front of children. However, the author has learned a lot in such situations. For example, what is the difference between a serious quarrel and ordinary disagreements. Now that she has her own family, healthy disputes occur at the table almost weekly, but full-scale clashes have occurred only a couple of times in two years.And this, according to Alessia, she is obliged to the behavior of parents who did not hide their contradictions from her.
Therefore, the author decided to sort out the relationship with her spouse in front of children. But while always remembering the huge difference between a dispute and a fierce quarrel in which both parties seem wrong. In addition, daily controversy creates not the most healthy environment for children. Having said all this, Alessia formulated five advantages from quarrels with children.
1. Children see that they can disagree with each other and have different opinions.
If you never quarrel with children, they grow up with a distorted sense of reality, in which everything is always in order and people always agree with each other. Even watching the quarrels of other people and children of their own age, they will follow your example. And if in future relationships they have conflicts with a partner, they may simply not know what to do. After all, their parents never engaged in clarifying the relationship. Maybe something is wrong with them? Children should be aware that it is perfectly normal to have attitudes and beliefs that are different from others, which can lead to disagreements, which is also completely normal.
2. Children learn that controversy is a normal part of relationships and life in general.
Although it is very important that the atmosphere surrounding the child is positive and full of love, it is not necessary to protect them from the fact that even close people can quarrel. If you quarrel, and then reconcile before their eyes, then thereby showing them that a happy couple is not necessarily perfect and that they do not necessarily agree with everything in a relationship. If your children are very small and you don’t want to upset them with your quarrels, then there is advice for this case: “When our daughters went to kindergarten and were worried about our skirmishes, I smiled and encouraged them with a special code - I was spreading my fingers , showing how small our differences are, and then spread her arms wide to show how great our love is. ”
3. Children understand that the output of emotions is natural.
The worst thing is to keep negative emotions, anger, disappointment in you, until you explode, throwing all this wealth out. The serious quarrels of the author's parents were the result of such driven emotions, and as a result, innocent children suffered. You need to get rid of what bothers you or worries in real time, even if your children are present.In this way, you teach them to translate their anger into a verbal form, and not to suppress it, the Pop Sugar quotes the study.
4. Children learn conflict resolution
Not every disagreement is easy to resolve, but when you quarrel over something in front of your children, you try to find a way out faster and more efficiently, so as not to injure your forced viewers. Try to have them adopt such a relationship model when any conflict with a partner, relative or friend ended positively. The study, which was attended by children aged 5 to 7 years, recently conducted by scientists from the University of Rochester and Notre Dame, showed that those children whose parents "quarreled constructively" experienced greater emotional security and over the next three years were friendlier and more caring for other children.
5. Children absorb behavior patterns for the future.
If you still can’t agree with your spouse, show them the opportunity to “agree to disagree,” and then put this argument aside - forever. It is much better than arguing to hoarseness again and again, because you will never agree on a solution anyway.Thus, your children will be able to build the correct model of behavior in the future in relation to seemingly intractable disputes.
We are all imperfect. If you cannot avoid a really loud row in the presence of children, be sure to discuss it with them later. Explain that you have been holding back your emotions for too long and have failed. Tell us what you are planning to do or have already done to resolve the conflict and what would you have done differently if you could go back to the past.
Every child needs confidence that nothing will happen to his family, it is indestructible. When they observe how parents quarrel and reconcile, it gives them confidence that any problems can be solved.
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