Tip 2: If the child asks about his father

For a variety of reasons, single mothers are getting bigger. For example, women decide to have a child, and it does not matter to them that there is no man in their lives. In the end, the manufacturer is much easier to find than a husband for himself and a father for a child. In addition, do not forget about the banks of sperm, let alone feed, clothe, grow and raise a child under the force, especially when there is always a grandmother and grandfather who dreams of grandchildren.


How to be mothers whose children had no “father”? What to tell children how to behave? There are various situations: a woman became pregnant for herself; the guy left after learning of the pregnancy; husband found another ...


If everything happened in a civilized way, everything is quite simple. The parents are divorced, the child most likely stays with the mother, and the father visits his now-former family, congratulates the child on his birthday or new year and takes part in his life. The kid in this case grows with the understanding that he really has a dad who lives separately.


But what to say to the child, if the father never meets the child, or the child does not know anything at all about the existence of the father?


Father-hero


This method was popular in the days of the Soviet Union. A woman invents a myth about a great and beautiful person (father of a child), who was extremely happy about the birth of her son / daughter, but who tragically died. Most likely, he died as a hero. To confirm this legend, you can show your child photos, letters, write stories about how you met, fell in love, and so on. It is even possible to tell a child based on real events, but slightly embellished stories. Psychologists, by the way, advise lonely mothers to do so in such a way that a “bright image of a father” forms in a child’s head. In this case, the child will understand that he was desired by both parents, and will not feel unnecessary.


But such a method has a negative point, which teaches that even a lie in salvation remains a lie. Are you able to feel good about the child, starting a relationship with him with a lie? In addition, no one gives a guarantee that there will never be any well-wisher who wants to tell the child the truth.Or, even more interesting, the father himself may appear, which will lead to simply incredible consequences from childish joy to distrust of you.


Get away from the answer


“Mom, why does Petya and Vasya have a father, and I don't have one? Where is my dad? ”-“ What dad? You have a mom, aren't you enough? No? Well, that's all, there is no dad and we don't need him. ” Some mothers jealously guard their right to be the only parent. It is possible that they are completing due to the fact that they can not give the child everything that a full-fledged family could give and defend themselves when they go on the attack.


In part, they really believe that the mother is the only creature necessary for the child and is always offended when it comes to some kind of “unnecessary” element in the form of a father. Often girls who grew up in such a family with such a mother become lonely moms themselves. It is, of course, just great when the child has a loving, beautiful and strong mother who can replace both parents with herself, but over time the child realizes that there must be another person who participated in his birth and who is not there now.


Dad is a scoundrel


“Your dad is a fool and a scoundrel, he doesn’t need you at all, because he left you.You do not even need to be a psychologist to understand that this option is far from the most correct. No matter how wild the insult would torment a woman, it is unacceptable to take her onto the fragile children's shoulders, even if the father is actually a real beast. It is necessary to understand that a child already at a very young age understands that there is something in him from both mom and dad, especially if he is told that he looks like dad.


It is very difficult to describe in simple terms the child's pain about the fact that some part of it comes from the ugly and vile creature, as his mom describes in this case. As a result, it becomes scary to hate your own face and even the manner of walking just for the fact that it reminds your beloved mother of hatred of a man. No matter how much you hate your husband, don't show it to your child - save him from it.


Tell the truth


Perhaps this is the most correct and acceptable option - to tell the child the truth. Of course, at the very level at which he will be understood in such words that I will not shock him. But it is better not to rush things. If the child does not ask, it is better not to start the conversation yourself.If you ask, you can say that you do not know, if you really do not know, or say that he lives very far away. For some time, the child is satisfied with such a simple answer.


Tell that there are such families in which there is a father, mother and child. There are families in which there are also grandmothers, grandfathers, and other children. And there you are - mother and child. Try to idealize the image of the father, and not to mix it with dirt.



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