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What to do if you dont like who your friend is dating
When you don't like who your friend is dating, there are a few steps you can take. The CW
- Not everyone likes their friend's partner.
- But it doesn't have to mean the end of their relationship or your friendship.
- Talk to them about it calmly and try to see it from their side.
- Try to figure out the real reason you don't like them.
Not liking your friend's partner is a sticky situation. On one hand, you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings or jeopardize the friendship by speaking your mind.
But on the other, you can't stand one of the most important people in your friend's life.
It can be tough to know what to do when you hate your friend's partner. Maintaining a balancing act between being an honest friend and a supportive one is a real challenge.
Here's how to deal if you find yourself really disliking your friend's partner.
Try to pinpoint exactly why you don't like this person.
First impressions matter, but they can be wrong. Did you take an immediate dislike to your friend's partner because of a passing comment they made when you first met? Do they remind you of someone else you know and don't enjoy? Do you just sort of hate their hair?
Or is it something deeper? Maybe you feel like your friend is a different person around their partner, or that their relationship limits the amount of time you and your friend have to spend together.
"Do you care about your friend's well-being and happiness? Or are you simply trying to show off your fabulous (or perhaps not) intuitive skills? Try very hard to drill down and answer this question honestly. If you are not sure that you are coming from a place of good intention, then perhaps you should strongly consider remaining silent," clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg told Psychology Today.
Try to connect over any shared interests.
Like, you know, your friend. Though it may seem like you and your BFF's partner are miles away on some issues, maybe you both have a secret love of TV game shows or have similar families.
"Focus on the positive aspects of the person and see if they grow on you," dating and relationships expert Pella Weisman told Bustle.
Making an effort to bond over something, no matter how small, shows your friend that you're putting in the time to get to know an important person in their life.
Talk to your friend about all aspects of their relationship - not just the bad parts.
Have your friend give you the full picture.If your friend always texts you about the annoying habits their partner has or gives you the dirty details every time they have an argument, it's can be easy to assume that the relationship is all strife and no joy.
However, some people more readily vent about relationship woes than they gush about all the good aspects. Maybe you're not hearing about how your friend's partner always keeps their favorite late-night snack in good supply or the amazing times they have hiking together.
Encourage your friend to talk about both the pretty and ugly parts of their relationship so you get a more balanced picture and don't automatically assume that this person is perpetually bringing your friend down.
Be the change you wish to see in your friend.
If your friend is in a relationship about which you have serious doubts, try turning the spotlight on yourself and leading by example.
"While you can't often logically convince someone to leave their partner, you can show them what a good relationship looks like," counselor and relationship expert David Bennett told Bustle. "Be a good example and focus on improving your relationships. If your friends sees that you're happy, well-adjusted, and treated well in your relationships, they will eventually start to see how theirs don't compare "
Before making judgments about your friend's relationship, make sure you're happy in your own.
Avoid contact with them unless it's important to your friend.
Just because your friend is dating this person doesn't mean they have to be a fixture in your life as well. If there's a way to politely limit the amount of time you spend with your friend's partner, don't feel bad about doing it.
"To preserve your sanity, don't volunteer to hangout with them unless your partner says the event is important," psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish told Elite Daily. "It's all about limiting your exposure strategically and diplomatically."
Of course, if you invite your friend to an important event like a wedding or birthday party, it is extremely poor form to exclude their partner on the grounds that you simply don't want them around.
Vent to someone outside your mutual social circle.
You might need an outside perspective. Warner Bros. Television If you truly can't stand your friend's new beau and absolutely need to tell someone about it, consider unloading to someone far outside you and your friend's shared social sphere.
Good candidates for this sort of thing might include your mom, a coworker who is unlikely to ever hang out with your bestie, or your hairdresser. Venting to someone outside your shared social circle lessens the chances that word of your hidden feelings will trickle back to your friend.
Plus, airing your grievances to someone impartial might give you a fresh perspective on things. A neutral party might point out that you're overreacting to little faults or making assumptions without knowing the full story.
If you decide not to share your feelings while they're together, keep silent after the breakup as well.
How would you feel if your best friend admitted to always hating your longtime partner after you broke up? Shocked? Maybe a little deceived or embarrassed?
"If you don't express it while they're in the relationship, then I think you lose your ability to comment ad nauseam about how you didn't like the relationship after [they've broken up]," Professor of Women's Mental Health Dr. Jane Fisher told ABC News.
Your decision to hold back your true feelings during the relationship could lead your friend to doubt your honesty and openness in other matters.
Plus, people sometimes get back together. You don't want to be the person who prematurely admitted to despising your friend's future spouse.
Accept that your friend sees something in their partner that you don't.
No matter close you are or how long you've been known each other, there are probably aspects of your friend's personality that you don't share. A love of sugary cereal or a fondness for camping, for example. It's possible that your friend is getting something valuable from their relationship with this partner that you just don't see or understand.
"No matter what, you need to honor the fact that your friend is an adult," psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr.
Video: When you don't like making friends
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